Disclaimer: We only have one child. Other children may react differently to this technique. Give it a try and see if it works for you! I started into parenting thinking that it's unfair to impose a consequence on a child without warning him first (except in a dangerous situation, of course) and that once you've … Continue reading Second Chance
psychology
Navigating into the New Year
Nicholas just turned four years old. Over the past few weeks, we've become more confident that the tantrum stage has finally ended, but he still gets into moods where he acts extremely annoying. Yesterday was a tough one. Nicholas and I woke at the same time, and before we were all the way down the … Continue reading Navigating into the New Year
Really Only Very Small
This is one of the simplest yet most profound parenting tips I've heard: When your child is driving you absolutely insane, and you wish he'd just get with the program and act like a civilized human being, and you're sick and tired of his getting in the way of all the very important things you … Continue reading Really Only Very Small
What right have you to be angry?
Nicholas still acts up in church sometimes. A couple of weeks ago, we had an even more difficult time than the one I wrote about last year. It started with Nicholas wanting to go to the bathroom just as I was listening eagerly to the Old Testament reading, which was the story of what happened … Continue reading What right have you to be angry?
Show. No. Fear.
A few years ago, my mom and I saw a toddler having a tantrum about leaving an outdoor tourist attraction at closing time. She wanted to walk--NO she wanted to be carried--NO she wanted to ride in the wagon--NO she wanted to shriek and thrash in the gravel!!! This went on and on and on … Continue reading Show. No. Fear.
More about shyness
My mother just read my article on shyness and suggested a couple of additions. One is an anecdote I'd never heard before: At the last parent/teacher meeting of each elementary school year, your teachers confided how pleased they were that "Rebecca has finally started to come out of her shell." Every year. They were so … Continue reading More about shyness
Calming Chaos in Girl Scout Troop Meetings
I can't, by a long shot, claim to have solved the problem of a group of Girl Scouts (or anybody!) dissolving into chaos when everybody is excited, we're trying to do one or more activities, there are various supplies and logistics to be coordinated, and/or there's some type of distraction! However, over my five years … Continue reading Calming Chaos in Girl Scout Troop Meetings
The Seven-Minute Stretch
It's amazing how just a few minutes of stretching can change everything. Just moving around a little bit for a little while gets the blood flowing through your muscles and brain, makes you more flexible, reminds you to breathe, lifts your mood, and makes the various motions of daily life easier and less likely to … Continue reading The Seven-Minute Stretch
Stroller Madness
Long before we became parents, Daniel and I decided we would not be transporting our child in a stroller on any regular basis. We live in Pittsburgh, a city of steep hills, stairs, and sidewalks cracked by frost heave and tree roots. Our neighborhood has heavy pedestrian traffic on sidewalks that are narrow in places. We often … Continue reading Stroller Madness
Great system, bad example!
We've been struggling with our three-year-old's demanding behavior and angry outbursts and have sought help from several books. The most recent was Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey, frequently recommended in online discussions. Overall, it's an okay book. The main idea is that a conflict is an opportunity to teach your child skills he … Continue reading Great system, bad example!
Counting to Three…Part Two
Well, the technique of counting to three had a good run, but it's not working anymore. Nicholas tried using it himself to get us to do things we'd refused to do, he saw that we still refused, and now he sees no reason why he should comply just because we're counting. I don't remember ever … Continue reading Counting to Three…Part Two
To You, They ARE Underwear!
This article is part of my Tastes Like Somebody Loves You! series. I wrote it in 2003, but it falls into that category of things I wasn't allowed to say when I wasn't a parent. Toddlers learning to use the toilet used to wear cotton "training pants" that were just like underpants but made of thicker … Continue reading To You, They ARE Underwear!
When You Care Enough to Send the Very Best
This article is part of my Tastes Like Somebody Loves You! series. My son was 12 days old the first time he received a package with his name computer-printed on the shipping label. "What did you order?" I asked him jokingly. "Did you go online without permission?" Of course he hadn't--the package contained a gift. … Continue reading When You Care Enough to Send the Very Best
Tastes Like Somebody Loves You!
Each photograph showed a smiling child, alone in the foreground of an after-school activity: ballet lesson, soccer practice, etc. The slogan said, "Tastes Like Somebody Loves You!" It was an ad campaign for individual pudding snacks. Well, it may taste like it, but that snack doesn't mean anyone loves you, kid. In fact, nobody loves … Continue reading Tastes Like Somebody Loves You!
Counting to Three
Counting to three is a discipline technique used different ways by different parents. I've seen it used as a gentle way to assert authority, which is what I'm going to talk about here. I've also seen it used as a threat ("Do it before I count to three or I'll whip you!") and as a … Continue reading Counting to Three
Breaking the shell of shyness
I was a shy child. I liked to be around people and was very interested in them, but for some reason I found it difficult to talk to unfamiliar people or even to feel that they were looking at me, and I was nervous that I might do something "wrong" that would make people yell at or laugh … Continue reading Breaking the shell of shyness
That’s all.
Just as I thought it was going all right, I found out I'm wrong when I thought I was right. It's always the same. It's just a shame. That's all. These are the opening lyrics to a Genesis song that comforts me when things go wrong between Daniel and me. It's about the frustration of … Continue reading That’s all.
Songs to soothe the savage baby
Nicholas had a very difficult first month: He wasn't used to being in this world outside me, he didn't understand the day-and-night thing, and when he was the slightest bit uncomfortable his immediate response was full-throttle shrieking. One thing I learned during that month--which has proven useful ever since--is that singing may calm him, and even … Continue reading Songs to soothe the savage baby
Mothering in transit
The distance from our home to our childcare center is less than three miles. In rush-hour traffic, it's a 20-minute drive. But almost every day, Nicholas and I make the trip by public transit, taking two buses and at least 45 minutes in each direction. I could walk that distance in that time! Am I insane?! No. I'm convinced that public transit is a wonderful way to travel with a young child. The conveniences more than make up for the inconveniences, that extra time is time we spend together, and the trip is full of learning experiences for my child and me.
There go the helpers!
One day when my son was a tiny baby, I was walking with him along the main street of our neighborhood when an ambulance went screaming past. Just ahead of us on the sidewalk were a little boy and his mother, and they jumped up and down shouting happily, "There go the helpers!" Wow. What … Continue reading There go the helpers!
The Earthling's Handbook 